EveryOneOfMyThousandRobots Is Going Away :(

Hey, quiet down. You haven’t gotten rid of me, just the ill-conceived brand “EveryOneOfMyThousandRobots”.
I came up with the name when I started my YouTube channel. The channel was originally going to be a gaming channel but I was put off very quickly by the response and so moved in another direction. Hopefully, a better one.

When I’ve taken some photos and got all the banners and everything together, I’ll be very quickly phasing out all EOOMTR branding. Everything will become “SAM RAE” brand. With my big, dumb face all over it like icing on a cake.

I should’ve done this a long time ago and the longer I leave it, the more confusing it’s going to be for everyone. I’ve been aware that it hasn’t been working for quite a while but was ignoring the problem, like a muppet.

It means I can finally put it to bed, at least.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for more of whatever it is I do.

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A Very Short Story

This is a very short story I wrote years ago. Enjoy!


We first met on the Connex (when it was Connex) train from Brockley to London Bridge. It was a few years ago and it didn’t last long but I’ll never forget her. Her voice sent a shiver down my spine.

“We will shortly be arriving at New Cross Gate.”, I almost melted.

There was a connection the moment I saw the text scrolling across her LED screen. A real spark between us. The kind of crap that only happens in terrible romantic comedies. Anyway, this was for real.

It was good for a while. It really was. We had a great time together. I had to fit my schedule around her because she always seemed to be working but I didn’t mind. It was enough just to be around her while she worked.

After a few months, though, the cracks started to show. The instability in our relationship started to manifest itself and things started to get tense between us.

It’s always the small things that bother you, isn’t it? I mean big things obviously don’t go unnoticed but it feels to me like it’s usually a build up of minor things into a bigger picture which just says: “This isn’t working.”

She could be very controlling. There were times when I felt like the whole direction of the relationship was dictated by her constant announcements.

“Our next destination is swapping keys.”
“Please make sure you have all your belongings with you when we move in together.”
“Please alight here for a nice little bridal shop that has a dress I really like.”
“We will shortly be arriving at… why haven’t I met your father?”

That last one caused, probably, our biggest fight. My father lives out of the country and she could never understand that it wasn’t because I didn’t love her that I hadn’t dropped everything to take her to visit; she’s not even eligible for a passport.

It was during an announcement on the 484 from Lewisham that she finally ended it. I hadn’t had the courage to do anything even though I was unhappy.
“Harefield Road”, she said. There was an awkward pause before, “I don’t think this is working. I’m not happy and you haven’t said a word to me the whole trip.”, in her disjointed, robotic tone.
“I… I don’t… I just…”, I stumbled over my words as tears welled in my eyes.
“You don’t seem happy and I can’t bear it that it’s us that making you this way.”, she filled the silence left by my inability to articulate emotions.
“I think you’re right… I’ve been having doubts recently. I just couldn’t bring myself-“, I was halted by a sob.
“We can still be friends.”, she said. Her voice, although harsh to most ears, was strangely comforting.

And so it finished. You’ve probably seen her around; I still do. We chat and I think we get along well. I don’t regret our time together, I’m a better person for it.

If you see her, send her my love.

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The Beginner’s Guide

I just finished playing “The Beginner’s Guide”

Although it would be difficult to describe it as a “game” in the strictest sense of the word, in certainly left more of an impression on me than most the rest of my Steam library. I won’t go into what it is exactly, as discovering the experience is a huge part of the enjoyment(?), but I’d just like to share some of my thoughts after “playing”.

I cannot remember the last time a piece of media moved me to tears. Partly because I am an emotionless robot with no connection to the human race, but mainly because when I occasionally do feel moved, I am frequently in the company of others and have to choke it back and appear stoic and detached because I’m sure none of my friends or family have realised that I am a real human being, yet. Playing games, however is usually a solitary experience for me which allowed the game to take effect in the way, I suspect, it was intended. It made me think about my creative output (or lack of it) in a new light. It made me think about how precarious creativity is and how carefully we have to walk the tightrope between depression and apathy on one side and disconnected hubris on the other.
While I want to make comedy because I want to make people laugh, it is also do with my own insecurities and doubts and fears. I am plagued by the idea that no-one will ever know my work but I keep doing it because it’s important to me that it gets done, even if it is only for a select few. Not that those few aren’t important, far from it. I know that positive feedback from friends is probably a little (very) biased but it still means a lot and it is always a reason to keep going. But should we be doing these things for the approval of others? Shouldn’t we just make Art (with a capital A) for Art’s sake and the rest of the world be damned? Well, No, I don’t think so. I make things to feel connected. I spend so much time on the outside looking in, trying to work out why there are so few people in my “recent contacts” lists, trying to remember when the last person called me and said “Fancy a pint?”, trying to understand why I can’t just strike up a conversation with people, that sometimes the only way I feel like part of the human race is when people tell me they liked one of my videos.

Can I measure my worth by my YouTube subscriber count (currently, 70)? I hope not. I hope I’m not that shallow but at the same time, how will I know if I’m doing anything of any value if no-one sees it? I could just be spiralling downward into creative oblivion without ever realising. I guess that’s why negative feedback is useful too. Someone who saw my comedy short “Humane“, thought it was actually about the person on-screen, they thought it was about Warlords, and had not grasped the metaphor. Was that something I had done wrong? Possibly. I think other people got it and you can’t please everyone but it’s good to know where you might have gone wrong.

I realise I’m rambling at this point but I need to get it off my chest. I guess that’s always a reason to start something. I need to tell someone something. “The Beginner’s Guide” touched me. It caused me to burst into tears in a way I have not done in years. I’d like to thank Davey Wreden for making it possible for me to experience it.

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Instagram: Nothing about this place is nude. The staff are clothed, the customers are clothes, even the jeans themselves have little panels of fabric over the crotch. Hi, I’m a guy who doesn’t understand what a brand name is.

Nothing about this place is nude. The staff are clothed, the customers are clothes, even the jeans themselves have little panels of fabric over the crotch.

Hi, I’m a guy who doesn’t understand what a brand name is. via Instagram http://ift.tt/1UESDIG January 09, 2016 at 03:07PM

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